Tag Archives: bisexual

12 Steps to Supporting the LGBT Community in 2013

Ok – I know its been way, Way, WAY too long since I’ve posted, but my life has been bursting with change (and therefore the incredible amount of work and energy required to make change happen… right, Mr. Obama?).

Since I last posted, I…

  1. Finished a Master’s Degree
  2. Resigned my position at the non-profit where I worked with LGBT kids
  3. Was hired by a wonderful church in Nashville, TN that proudly serves and is served by the LGBT community
  4. Moved from New York City to Nashville, TN
  5. Bought a car (goodbye convenient public transportation!)
  6. Started aforementioned job and have been INCREDIBLY blessed by the people I work with (and around) in my new church.

So… cut me a break, eh?

As a welcome back present, I offer you the folowing… Patheos’ recent article “12 Steps to Becoming an LGBT Ally in 2013.”  It includes the following encouragement that’s sage advice both for straight folks who support the LGBT community AND those of us who identify as LGBT…

Read A LOT about being LGBT.
Read books, blogs that are written by gay folks.
Read books and blogs by allies.
Read authentic voices sharing true stories.

And read your holy texts.  Read for all the ways God is calling us into compassion and justice. If you are a Christian and are reading the Bible, go ahead and count the number of scriptural references to justice and compassion as compared to the number of times homosexuality (as understood in a particular, historical culture) is mentioned.  And Christians who are called to follow in the footsteps of that rabbi who fed the multitudes without asking for a dime, healed the sick (on the sabbath) without asking for insurance and died a criminal’s death – please carefully read for what Jesus had to say about homosexuality.

Click here to read the entire article

Whew… it’s good to be back.

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What if the Bible isn’t our biggest problem?

In research circles, a presupposition is an idea that a researcher believes is true and which colors her every interview, finding, and report.

In this quest to 1)  help LGBT folks understand that they can have a vibrant, liberating relationship with a God who doesn’t condemn them and to 2) help the church understand that gay folks should not only be welcomed, but fully affirmed, appreciated, and used in their churches – I admit I have some presuppostions.

My chief presupposition is that if people would open their minds to what the Bible actually says – and doesn’t say – about homosexuality, this whole struggle would be over.

If gay folks could see that scripture (and therefore, God) neither condemns nor judges their sexuality, then they would stop feeling condemned and judged.  Likewise, if the church and its leaders would seriously study the “gay scriptures” and find what they actually said to the people they were written to a few thousand years ago, wouldn’t they reailize that there’s no reason not to open their doors to our community?

It all seems so clear to me.

Or rather, it all seemed so clear to me until a few minutes ago.  I’m currently reading “In the Eye of the Storm: Pushed to the Center by God” by Bishop Gene Robinson – the first gay man to be ordained Bishop in the Episcopal church.  A few minutes ago, sitting on a bench in Prospect Park, Gene opened my eyes to a whole new reason many Christians, church leaders, and churches prickle at the idea of LGBT people worshiping in their pews, proud and unrepentant of their sexual orientation.   Perhaps the problem goes deeper than simply a misunderstanding about scripture…

When you dig down a little more, you’ll find that what we’re seeing is the beginning of the end of patriarchy.  For a very long time, men – mostly white, educated Western, heterosexual men from the Global North – have been making all the decisions for the world.  People of color have demanded a place at that decision making table, and so have women.  Now that we lgbt people are claiming a place too, the system of patriarchy, out of which [Christianity, Judaism, and Islam] developed, seems to be starting to unravel…  It’s not because gay and lesbian people are any different than others who have demanded equality, but because for religious bodies and for the culture, the full equality of gays and lesbians strikes at the very heart of the patriarchy and misogyny that’s been the way of the world for so long. (p. 98-99)

Thanks, Gene.  I’m gonna chew on that for a while…

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Jesus, I think I’m gay.

From our friends at Believe Out Loud.

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You’re welcomed to your personal beliefs, but…

I just walked into the office after a great program with a group of LGBT and allied kids at a local high school.

I took a guest with me, one of my org’s more dedicated volunteers.  After the program, G. (the volunteer) and I walked across the street to get a cup of coffee and debrief our disbelief.  Our program today was about LGBT history.  G. and I were shocked at how little the kids knew about LGBT history.  How is it that a group of gay kids in NYC – where it’s relatively safe to be a gay kid – had never heard of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and seemed only somewhat aware that LGBT folks in New York State were given the right to marry less than a year ago?  *sigh*  How does that happen?

Regardless…

My conversation with G. quickly evolved into one about a different kind of history.  At G.’s prompting, we started talking about religion.  G., who was raised an orthodox Jew, waxed eloquently and intelligently about how religion (both Jewish and Christian) has shaped gay life in the 21st century.

He said, “I think most people need to be reminded that religion is completely personal.  People need to be given the power to figure out the Bible, or Qur’an, or whatever, for themselves and say f’you to any church, synagogue,  mosque, or religious zealot that tries to invade their personal belief system.  Religion is personal and it’s private.”

G.’s a smart man.  There’s a lot to unpack in his thought.

I agree that people need to be given the power to figure out their holy books, their faith, and their theology so that they can stand confidently when religious people say unholy and hurtful things to them.  But…

It’s pretty important that we remember Christianity is not completely personal.  Christianity (and its grandfather, Judaism) isn’t an idea that people enjoy in isolation.   Nope… Christianity isn’t personal.  It’s communal, all wrapped up in relationships.  It always has been.

Jesus drew disciples together into a community that followed him up mountainsides to pray together, across seas to minister together, and into upper rooms to eat together.  The Holy Spirit draws believers together into the Church, a community of believers.  Paul tells us that this church is the body of Christ – a strange Frankenstein creature with many parts that all (ideally) work together to show God’s illogical love to the world.

You and I may each have deeply personal relationships with our faith, but these relationships are meant to draw us together into what Christ called the Kingdom of God… a community.

And that may explain why churches have such tremendous power to hurt gay people.  If our faith were only personal – ideas we enjoy in the privacy of our own soul – we might be able to cope with church-thrown nastiness by saying “I guess they don’t understand how my idea fits into their idea.  Oh, well.”

But since Christianity is communal, the game changes.  The church’s nastiness forces us to say, “They don’t want me to be a part of their community.  They don’t think I fit into the Kingdom of God.  They don’t want me to be part of our family anymore.”

And that hurts.

So, dear LGBT friends, let me remind you that “they” are wrong.  You do fit in the Kingdom.  You are a part of the family.  Consider what the Apostle John said about Jesus (who, like many of us, was also rejected by his religious community for believing that outcasts should be loved rather than judged)…

He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God…

He gave us all the right to be part of the family.  Anybody who tells you differently is wrong.

Also, please keep in mind a valuable lesson we all should have learned in high school:  just because one group of mean kids won’t let you eat lunch with them doesn’t mean the band kids, drama kids, chess kids, golf kids, or whatever kids won’t let you sit at their table.

If a church has been hateful to you because you’re LGBTQ, click here to find another one who really wants someone just like you to love God alongside them.

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Gay Christians Have A Calling

I both love it and hate it when I read someone else’s words and think, “*sigh*… I wish I had written that.”

The blog post I just read filled me with both jealousy and delight.  Delight because the writer said what I feel, and jealously because… the writer said what I feel.

As I work (with increasing excitement) through my own issues of “calling,” this post was exactly what I needed this morning.  I think we all need to be reminded that as LGBT Christians we have a responsibility – a calling – to minister to the wounded.  Just because we’ve been hurt doesn’t mean we shouldn’t also be healers.  After all, who better than us to spread the good news of a Savior who said, “blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.”

For ours is the Kingdom of Heaven, too…

All too often, we are wounded. We are hurting. Quite frankly, some of us have been so heavily wounded by the Church that we’re barely functioning. The bitterness, anger, resentment, and dejection that we feel toward other Christians is enough to poison our spirit…

That doesn’t mean we have to stay in sour relationships. It doesn’t mean we have to poison our spirit by sitting under ministries that pour bile out with every sermon.

Find the safe places. Find a place to heal. To be Christian. Where there is no expectation of “praying the gay away.” Where we can be whole. Where we can be nurtured and to be fully healed…. not so that we can rest, but so that we can carry the torch of the living risen Lord and Savior to those who truly, desperately need to know that someone genuinely cares.

We have a responsibility — if we are Christian, to BE Christian. Live with integrity. Form healthy relationships, shun promiscuity, and truly follow Christ.

We who have been wounded in the past have the calling — a responsibility even — to find those who have also been wounded and minister healing. We’ll have to continue to dodge those jagged, venomous arrows from both sides — a no man’s land where countless people are only hoping to survive.

We must find the wounded and care for them.

We must find the bullied and help them to stand firm and be proud of who they are.

We must find the tormented and help them find healing.

We must find those in despair and help them find hope.

Read David Shelton’s full blog here.

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Love is love and there can never be too much…

“By this they will know you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Back in 2000 – as the world refused to shut down for Y2K – a singer named Fiona Apple topped the pop charts.

One day, after a concert, a fan named Bill Magee approached Fiona and handed her a letter.  The letter was about his school’s gay-straight alliance and asked Fiona if she would mind replying with a sentence or two of encouragement or support of the group.

Keep in mind that this was before Lady Gaga – and other name-brand celebrities – made it trendy to support the LGBT community.

The next week, Fiona sent Bill an amazingly beautiful letter.

Hello Bill,

I got your letter a few days ago, but this is the first chance I’ve had to sit down and write (it’s my day off)

Of course, I’d love to help — sign me up. As far as a few sentences go, here’s what I’ve got — I hope it’s OK:

It’s hard to conjure up some new profound way of commenting on this issue — I’m so tired of it being an issue at all, and I suppose I’m lucky, because I see the truth so clearly. All I know is I want my friends to be good people, and when my friends fall in love, I want them to fall in love with other good people. How can you go wrong with two people in love? If a Good boy loves a good girl, good. If a good boy loves another good boy, good. And if a good girl loves the goodness in good boys and good girls, then all you have is more goodness, and goodness has nothing to do with sexual orientation. A person who loves is a righteous person, and if someone has the ability and desire to show love to another — to someone willing to receive it, then for goodness’ sake, let them do it. Hate has no place in the equation; there is no function for it to perform. Love is love, and there will never be too much.

Fiona Apple

P.S. Right on for doing this, Bill

click here for a peek at the original letter

What a graceful definition of love.

If you have a tendency to skim over extended quotes – as I do – let me re-emphasize part of Fiona’s letter.   She said, “…goodness has nothing to do with sexual orientation. A person who loves is a righteous person, and if someone has the ability and desire to show love to another — to someone willing to receive it, then for goodness’ sake, let them do it.”

That’ll preach.  In fact, it once did…

Jesus taught us that “by this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35)

Dear friends, let us therefore love one another in the full freedom that comes from knowing our homosexuality can also be holy sexuality.

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“Coming Out” at a Christian College

Todd Clayton “came out” at a Christian college.  Geesh.  The nerve of some guys.

He says…

The shrewdest, loudest, most violent lie that LGBT people at Christian colleges and universities carry is this: that no one else like them exists. More important, and more enduring than the stares and questions and assaulting prayers, are the stories of the 70 current students, and 130 alumni who contacted me to say they had the same kind of dreams I did…

As a graduate of a Christian college, I admire Todd’s moxy.  There’s really no reason for me to comment further.  I mean, the story of how I didn’t come out at a Christian college is pretty boring.   And why would I waste valuable space on the internet commenting on Todd’s story when you can read it for yourself…

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Gays… Seriously?!

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First Gay Memories: I Am Different

“People are not provoked by those who are different. What is more provoking is our insecurity: When you say, ‘I am so sorry but I am different.’ That’s much more provoking than saying ‘I am different,’ or ‘I have something to tell you, I can see something that you cannot see!’”   (Norwegian Trans activist Esben Esther Pirelli Benestad)

Early in 2000, Paul Flowers and Katie Buston (both very capable researchers) interviewed twenty young gay men in South Yorkshire, England.  Paul and Katie were attempting to get to the heart of the gay experience by asking the following simple (and yet somehow profound) questions:

  • How did you know you were gay?
  • When did you realize you were attracted to the same sex?
  • How did you feel about realizing you were sexually attracted to men?
Instead of saying that they knew they were gay the first time they were turned on by another man (or some other sexually-predicatable answer), every guy questioned said his first understanding of being gay was tied up with feeling “different.”  Does that ring a bell with you?  It did with me.  They guys in the study said:
“I knew there was something wrong, something different in my life…”
“I remember going home at night and crying myself to sleep because I knew that I was different, and I was terrified of being different…”
“I felt different and yeah I suppose I knew I was gay, but I fought it, I really did fight it…”

Sounds about right, doesn’t it?   Looking back, don’t most of us remember feeling different before we understood what that difference was?

Like many of us, I spent a long time trying to hide my difference.  I didn’t want people to know I was gay.  In my insecurity and shame, I didn’t want to explain myself.   I didn’t want to provoke questions, so I stayed quiet.

When I finally came out, I felt the need to insert some version of “I still love Jesus” into every coming-out conversation.  I was insecure – afraid that people would associate being gay with being anti-god – so I re-affirmed my Christianity as a way of apologizing for my sexuality.

As Benested said in the quote above, these were my ways of saying “I am so sorry, but I am different.

For some LGBT folks, “gay pride” means being “proud” that they are gay… or lesbian… or bisexual… or whatever.  For many, having “gay pride” is like having a winning football team, a 4.0 average, or a kick-a$$ chocolate cake recipe.  It’s a badge of honor.

Honestly, I don’t feel that kind of pride.  I don’t really even understand it.  I’m not particularly proud of being gay.   I didn’t do anything extraordinary to earn the right to like boys.  I was just born with it.   Like having brown hair or big ears or small hands, it’s just part of my package.  Ta da.

For me, being proud is simply the opposite of being ashamed.  It isn’t bragging about being different… but it’s also not apologizing for it.

While I agree with Benstad that people are provoked by our  insecurity, I think they’re also provoked by our ego.  Maybe our voices would be better understood if our pride reflected our confidence (“I not ashamed of being different”) rather than our conceit (“pay attention to me because I am different”).

Flowers, P., & Buston, K. (2001). “I was terrified of being different”: Exploring gay men’s accounts of growing-up in a heterosexist society. Journal of Adolescence, 24, 51-65.

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I Am Not An Abomination…

“Yes, you love all that exists, you hold nothing of what you have made in abhorrence, for had you hated anything, you would not have formed it.  And how, had you not willed it, could a thing persist, how be conserved if not called forth by you?  You spare all things because all things are yours, Lord, lover of life, you whose imperishable spirit is in all.” (Wisdom of Solomon 11:24 – 12:1)

Happy New Year, everyone!

-b

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